are we cute yet or
omfg my abs are coming back…maybe that’s what happens when I train smart instead of compulsive and eat 4-5 smaller meals instead of 2-3 huge ones?? #abs
Posted this on facebook today! :)
“Hey guys, I don’t post these a lot, and I know it’s not ~Transformation Tuesday~ or anything, but I was looking through some old pictures last night and this really hit me.
These are all about a year apart.
The first one was at my lowest weight in early 2011, when I was anorexic.
Second was right after I came out of treatment at the Princeton Eating Disorders Unit in 2012.
The third is when I relapsed and became bulimic in early 2013.
And the fourth is now — last night to be precise — FINALLY healthy.
I think it’s fascinating to focus on the faces rather than just the bodies when looking at these sort of things — you can look deeper inside a person in some way. I definitely feel like I’m the happiest I’ve been in years now, in the last picture. Obviously I can’t expect to be 100% better immediately, it definitely takes time and a lot of hard work, but I’m just so amazed at how far I’ve come.
As far as sports go, I ran track in the first picture, was slowly getting ‘back into shape’ in the second picture, did a LOT of cardio but mostly for compulsive reasons in the third picture, and now in the last picture I am a triathlete, marathoner, and I lift weights.
It honestly feels amazing to be able to eat properly, exercise because you want to and love to and not because you have to to burn calories (the thoughts don’t just go away, but they lessen), and actually be happy with life, although it’s never going to be perfect and I know there will always be some struggles in one way or another.
Oh and….I actually gained 50 pounds between the first and last picture. Recovering doesn’t make you “fat”…hahaha.”
The first pic is from April 2013, almost a year ago.
I was bulimic. I may have weighed a bit more than I do now, but I’m not sure — if anything, it was only a few pounds. I didn’t lift ever, I did lots of cardio, and I did it as a compensatory mechanism to burn calories.
Now, I’m no longer bulimic. I’m almost 7 months purge-free (and NEVER planning on going back). I don’t use exercise just to burn calories — although it still isn’t totally gone from my mind, I train for triathlon and lift weights.
Back then, I never ate normal meals — sometimes I would stuff inhale anything in sight, other times I would hate myself for eating an apple or salad and go throw it up. Now I eat 4 balanced meals a day, I keep track of what I eat but I don’t obsess if I’ve had a little too much, because I have faith in my body.
Honestly I am so much happier now. I know I’m not ‘done’ with where I’m going, but I absolutely love seeing improvements that recovery has brought me. :)
I have to finish an essay and submit it online.
The hopefully swim and lift
and then go to classes
and then work (I WAS PLANNING ON GOING TO YOGA WITH THIS GUY TONIGHT BUT THEN I REALIZED I HAVE TO WORK UGHHHH I WAS REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT)
kill me now